*This week’s About Time newsletter is written by Jessica Pallay. Check in next week for writing by Kaity Velez.
Who else has been basking in the glow of #Bennifer this week? I don’t know about you guys, but watching her shimmy on her giant yacht in that flowing power-caftan with Ben Affleck as an accessory gave me a high of nostalgia that made me do a double-take on the calendar year. Seeing J-Lo flaunting “52” made me even more excited. Like damn, 52 looks hot.
And yet, when I imagine myself doing the yacht-deck dance in this exact same outfit, hooking up with my boyfriend from 20 years ago again, I get the feeling that I would look, well, slightly “age-inappropriate.”
Be honest: you’ve judged a woman my age (or older) for doing something that seemed “age-inappropriate.” You’ve said to yourself -- and maybe even out loud -- hmmm, she seems a little old to be wearing THAT. What is she trying to prove? Why is she acting so…young? I have!
So what does society tell us it means to be “age-appropriate” after 40, anyway? Well according to the fashion currently being marketed to me, it means looser, longer and definitely less skin all around. If you ask my kids, being age-appropriate means curtailing the f-bombs and remembering grown-up things like being on time for school pickup. Personally, I think (ahem, hope) it means upgrading my Ikea TV stand for an expensive mid-century modern credenza, but my husband so far disagrees. Maybe he’s just not aging gracefully.
I’m struggling with these definitions of “age-appropriate” as I enter my mid-forties. I still want to shop at Forever 21 and get drunk and dance on tables. (Especially at Costco. Is that wrong?) I want to hang a poster of Brad Pitt circa Thelma and Louise in my closet. I want to wear mini-skirts and crop tops and V-necks that show side-boob like that millennial barista at my corner coffee shop.
And I don’t think I’m alone. There’s so much societal pressure to act our age, but I swear that under many an Eileen Fisher jumpsuit is a 40-plus woman who can’t fucking believe she’s wearing Eileen Fisher unironically. Who would love to dance on the table, but can’t pull her leg up without an assist. Who feels “young” on the inside, and can’t reconcile the person she sees on the outside. Getting older is filled with so many strange contradictions.
I read somewhere that the reason people are so obsessed with the recent photos of Bennifer is because they provide a certain kind of nostalgia, a flashback to a younger version of ourselves. And while I don’t really miss that younger, more insecure, kind of aimless version of myself, I do miss that carefree feeling of agelessness.
Admittedly, there’s probably no amount of organic vegetables, skin oils or downward dogs that will make me look like J-Lo. Most of us are a little more droopy and less glowy than we were 20 years ago. But that’s ok! We need less age-shaming (especially from ourselves), and more doing whatever we please, no matter how “not young” we are.
Sure, I’m still getting used to this aging body of mine, and some days I’d rather hide behind something that feels “age-appropriate” -- something looser and longer that shows less skin.
Other days I feel strong and confident in my new (older) skin, and I’m going to rock a J-Lo style bikini, throw around f-bombs without abandon, and dance on alllll the tables.
If J-Lo’s taught me anything this week, it’s that grown ass women can act however they want. You can be serious and ambitious and care about things like world peace, and you can also dance on the deck of a yacht in a bikini at 52. Unless you don’t own a yacht. Then you can dance somewhere else, like at Costco.
Who else was age inspired by J-Lo this week? Did it bring up some judgey feelings? There’s no right or wrong answer! Hit the comment button below and tell us how you really feel.
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i am living for bennifer and i think i’m just into the idea that you can take a 20 year break from a love and then pick it up again? just seems so incredibly unrealistic for most people, which is maybe why im so intrigued. also the pics of him grabbing her ass are amazing lol