*This week’s About Time newsletter is written by Kaity Velez. Check in next time for writing by Jessica Pallay. For November and December we’ll being donating 30% to The Sled, a nonprofit delivering assistance to underprivileged NYC Public School students and their families. Learn more about their holiday drive here.
Dear Omi,
Why’d you have to go and f*ck sh*it up for us?
First of all, let us just say, you were not invited to Christmas. We did not set a place for you at the table and we certainly didn’t get you a Secret Santa gift. We reeeaally just wanted to have a low drama Christmas. Without you.
But, looks like you’re showing up anyway! Are you just so narcissistic that you felt you had to outdo your big bro Delta? When he showed up to our summer pool parties, he was such a dick. But, congrats, you’ve got him beat!
In the spirit of Christmas, can we just ask: Are you a joy killer? You seem like someone who just hates to see people have fun. Clearly watching us humans finally see that glimmer of light at the pandemic tunnel just too much for you to handle.
So what now? You’ve made yourself noticed, and despite your obvious weakness compared to your predecessors, you’ve still somehow managed to top all of the headlines, infect everyone we know and create panic amongst the masses… OOohh, so now that we’ve confirmed that you’re basically Donald Trump in viral form, how far are we going to take this?
In the past week alone, you’ve shut down half of Brooklyn, intimidated parents into keeping their kids home from school, infected every other person we’ve spoken to and continue to demolish our holiday plans. We’re vaxxed, we’re boosted, our kids are vaxxed, we’re masked, we’re testing, we’re quarantining… and yet you keep breaking records not caring who you take down with you.
Did I mention we’re tired? Collectively, all of us, the world, we’re so tired of your Covid-19 family and all the inconveniences each of you bring. Sure, it was kind of cute in the beginning of 2020 pandemic when we were all dancing to D’Nice, pretending to learn new skills and having happy hours on zoom. Maybe you thought we’d feel nostalgic for those moments, but just like skinny 90s eyebrows, that memory does not age well. None of us are over here thinking “oh, if we can just get a few days of that early pandemic life” because it broke us.
We’re broken. And yet, you keep pushing us. But being what you are, you probably already knew that.
So, I ask again, what now? Look inward Omi, how are you going to feel once this bubble pops?
You know there’s probably a younger sibling on your heals. Soon you’ll feel empty and defeated. Maybe it’s time for some meditation, or inner child healing… perhaps even some microdosing!
Go find yourself and stop looking for fulfillment in our demise, Omi. You will be better for it. And so will we.
May you find peace,
The geriatric millenials at About Time