*This week’s About Time newsletter is written by Kaity Velez. Check in next time for writing by Jessica Pallay. For September and October we’ll being donating 30% to Lilith Fund, a non-profit organization that provides financial assistance and emotional support while building community spaces for people who need abortions in #Texas.
When I was 12 I got my period. I had just gotten home from school and went to the bathroom when I noticed the blood. I remember wearing dark green jeans and an off-white turtleneck with matching green stripes. I remember that I cried and my mom handed me a giant pad. But what I don’t remember is having any big conversations about my period. It was kind of just part of growing up.
I think it was more surprise than fear that brought on the tears, and in reality, something I don’t feel I could have ever prepared for even if there had been talks leading up to the big moment. That sense of surprise never quite went away, even months and years into the process. I spent many years wrapping shirts around my waist during “that time of the month,” either in anticipation of, or lack of preparation for, the arrival of my period, never knowing what day, hour or moment “it” would arrive. As if there wasn’t enough for a teen girl to worry about.
Somehow even now as a seasoned woman-person at almost 40, I’m still often surprised by the arrival of my period. Like “oh shit, there’s blood coming out of my vagina... AGAIN!” But recently the surprise is more due to the lack thereof.
I had finally hit a stride with my period. I spent a good part of my 20s on birth control and my period would arrive every 28 days on the dot. At some point I realized birth control was making me slightly nuts, so I decided to get off of it, but still my period was a monthly affair. I experienced a whole rollercoaster of raging hormones, first weaning off of birth control, then during two pregnancies and through postpartum and breastfeeding. But it wasn’t until I approached my 38th birthday that I noticed my periods becoming erratic.
It started with a 10-day delay and my doctor chalked it up to extended breastfeeding hormones. Also, stress.
My period seemed to return to a somewhat normal cycle, but when covid hit, my period became more unpredictable than ever. Stress seemed to be the common thread. Or was it?
Even as the world started to normalize and I’ve slid into healthier routines, I find my period is still not catching up. Now here I am, less than two months shy of my 40th birthday, and I am back to feeling like I’m 12 again, with my period coming and going as it pleases. I recently spent an entire month freaking out because my period never arrived. Like never! When after 56 days I finally got my period, I welcomed it with open arms. Unlike that first period 28 years ago, which was all “why god, why?”, the arrival of this period got a “hellz to the yeah!!”
After telling a few friends in the 40 range, their first response was, as expected, “are you pregnant??” And then after assuring them that I was not, their responses were surprisingly all some form of “ME TOO” and “what is going on??” Because their periods were either lasting forever or sending them into spirals of googling immaculate conception.
Just like when I was a teen, nobody’s had “the talk” with me about this stage in life. Isn’t this supposed to be the moment we have it all together? Yet, I feel sorely unprepared. With a little light googling, I can see perimenopause is actually not that unusual for women my age, and that it can last from 8-10 years. That’s a long fucking time!
Here’s a few of the other lovely symptoms I’ve learned come along with perimenopause:
Anxiety (check)
Irritability (lol, uh huh)
Mood swings (have you met my family?)
Chest pain (awesome)
Foggy brain (who’s following me?)
Basically all of the symptoms that come along with being a mother of two, or any woman living through a global pandemic. It’s no wonder that women are confused about perimenopause and often feel a little lost during “the transition.” Blech.
Honestly, it’s a little scary too. Not only does this time make you question everything you’ve ever known about your own body, but it also makes the other side (of perimenopause, yes, but also LIFE) seem that much closer. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
Thankfully, women braver than me have started to normalize this mystical stage, and are bringing more attention and resources to women like me, that need it. Even with all that, I’m sure I’ll still be totally surprised when my period decides to retire for life, but at least I’ll know it’s coming.
Have you started experiencing any perimenopausal symptoms? What have your doctor’s said or not said? So far, in my experience, they’re just as confused as us women are. We should be talking about this!
Also, we want to hear about your periods, and how you’re dealing! Consider us another friend to lean on when your period fails to arrive on time.
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Yes!!! We need to talk about this more. If men went through menopause there would be a cure, amiright? My period went from a solid 30 day cycle pre-kids, down to 27/28 day cycle and the last couple months I’m in the 25 day range. And lasting an ENTIRE week. Whyyyy? And night sweats. Oh and my sister (who is a cardiac NP) is convinced that the heart palpitations both she and I have are a result of hormones 🤬🤬🤣 All this to say: solidarity.