*This week’s About Time newsletter is written by Jessica Pallay. Check in next time for writing by Kaity Velez. For November and December we’ll being donating 30% to The Sled, a nonprofit delivering assistance to underprivileged NYC Public School students and their families. Learn more about their holiday drive here.
The older I get, the earlier a head start I get on the holidays. Is it just me? Case in point: it’s not even Thanksgiving and here I am, already prepping for Dry January.
I do not actually celebrate Dry January, but nonetheless, here’s how I’m prepping:
I’m getting ready to see all your posts on Instagram about how you’re spending the month not drinking, and how it’s making you feel so amazing!
I’m planning for dinners where someone will abstain when the server asks if we want to start with drinks, and lecture the rest of us on how, now that they’re older, they just can’t imagine drinking so much anymore!
I’m holding space on my calendar for those people that are subbing out breakfast dates for happy hours, even though I’m really not a morning person.
And lastly, I’m drinking.
Dry January is just the tip of the iceberg. Whether it’s alcohol, coffee, gambling or porn, pleasure is suddenly so passé. I feel like everywhere I turn, my circle of 40-plus friends and influencers is raving about how good it feels to be sober/give up coffee/go gluten-free. They’re no longer controlled by their vices! They’re stronger! They’re happier! They’re going to live forever!
So, as I sip my beer and eat my donut, I can’t help but wonder: is being clean-cut the new 40-plus trend? And is it for me?
First let me say that I understand for some people this is not a joke, and if you’re living like Jason Bateman was in his 20s, then yeah, you should probably give up some of your vices, too. Not to mention that the pandemic has pushed so many of us over the edge (millennial moms especially), and substance abuse is real. This is not about you.
But there’s a whole world of 40-plussers who have come to the enlightened conclusion that their body is a temple. They’ve traded in bong hits for meditation, coffee for green tea, fast fashion for vintage (ok, I’m totally behind that). Do we really have to completely give up all that makes us feel good?
While I’m all about you do you, what makes me want to say no to saying no most is that these 40-plus teetotallers want to tell everyone about it. Like, did they even give up meat if they didn’t post about it on instagram? I think not.
So where did this newfound zeal for living a vice-free life after 40 come from? I have a few theories:
1. We just can’t party like we used to. Two glasses of wine has me waking up in the sweats, three and I’m waking up on the bathroom floor. And it’s not a good look when your 8yo comes sleepwalking into the bathroom and kicks you in the (throbbing) head. Rather than embarrass ourselves by trying to keep up with the cool young kids, maybe we should just quit altogether so we can’t say we failed trying.
2. We’re so vain. Every cigarette drag gives us wrinkles around our mouth, pot gives us the munchies and a hangover requires more hours of rest, makeup and Visine than it used to. We’re already getting older and less firm (unless you were one of the smart ones to start Botox when you were 31. I was not.), so let’s not add fire to the flame.
3. That perimenopause anxiety. Remember when we used to just throw caution to the wind? Now there’s a little anxious voice that accompanies every slightly indulgent experience: Will I regret this? Will my kids catch me? Will I die?
Still, I’m not so easily convinced that there’s not room for at least a little vice in my post-40 life. Admittedly my body is aging, and while I can’t do a lot of alllll the things like I used to, I can do just a little bit of some of the things. (With the notable exception of block parties, where I can do all the things.)
What happened to balance? Isn’t there some 80/20 rule that says we can do whatever the hell we want some of the time as long as we’re playing by the rules 80% of the time?
My vices keep me sane in this mad world. They give me a little sense of escapism. They remind me that I’m still me, even on the days that I look in the mirror and I can’t recognize that older person I’ve become.
I know I’m not the only one hiding pot from my cleaning lady, or keeping a spare pack of cigarettes in my “fancy purse.” Got a vice you’re not giving up post-40? Come clean in the comments below.
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